This verse was Monday’s selected reading for my Good Morning Girls group. I’ve loved this verse (& weirdly enough despised it…) for about 6 years now. I first studied this verse before I met my hubby. While, in my Good Morning Girls group, I focused my daily SOAP reflections on more of the implications for my current role as Wife, I thought I’d blog about what God showed me 6 years ago.
Six years ago, I was newly out of a relationship and, admittedly, not looking for another one. However, God showed me this verse and showed me that my actions before I met my husband directly impacted him in the future. He showed me that every emotional entanglement with a male, every physical display of affection, etc. were actually my future husband’s. To say that it was an eye-opening moment was an understatement. I had robbed my future husband by being in a relationship with another man before him. I had shared my thoughts, feelings, kisses and emotional dependence with someone who God hadn’t made for me. My husband would not be the first man who I was emotionally dependent on (and I would actually have to learn to trust him because of another man’s misuse of my dependence). All of those things that I shared with someone before my husband contributed to my heartbreak when we broke up.
And, that’s understandable. God didn’t mean for a person to “date around” before marrying. God made one woman for one man (a la Genesis 2) and created that emotional and physical bond to be shared only by those two complimentary created people. If we step outside of God’s intended plan for our lives, there is harm there. Yes, God forgives our emotional entanglements. Yes, God forgives our physical displays of affection. Yes, God forgives sin and blesses our future marriages. We do pay a price though. Just as my husband had to “earn” my trust in him (simply because he was a man), there are consequences.
The harm of struggling towards trust in a relationship is real and God showed me that 6 years ago. My role as a single woman was first to glorify God. Did my previous relationship(s) glorify God? I’d argue no because they were not my Adam. The one God had created for me. Secondly, my role as a single woman was to bring my future husband “good, not harm, all the days of (my) life.” Did I do that by pursuing relationships before my husband? Absolutely not.
Since the passage this week covered this verse, I was reminded that Lemuel’s mother taught this to him. I also thought a lot about my role as a mom to my boys but, ultimately, to my daughter. I want her to understand her role as a Proverbs 31 woman starts now. Specifically, those qualities outlined in Proverbs 31 need to be taught and indoctrinated now in her. I don’t want her dating around in search of “the one.” I want her so focused on her #1 role (glorifying God) that the second role (Proverbs 31:12) comes naturally and without much effort outside of her #1 role. Such a challenge!!!