Current Day “doing good not harm”

I blogged earlier this week about how Proverbs 31:12 impacted me as a single woman six years ago. I thought I’d take a moment and think on how it impacts me today as a married woman (and mom).

Doing good.
1. Be present. When my hubby comes home, I need to focus on him. Technology needs to take a backseat so that he will know that I value him.

2. Be trustworthy. When I tell him that I will do something, I need to do it. Every time I do what I say I am going to do, there’s a deposit in our relationship’s “trust bank.”

3. Be kind. To quote Ravi Zacharias, “There’s never a reason to be unkind.”

4. Encourage him. Our home should be the first place that he seeks encouragement and positive reinforcement.

5. Pursue him. He needs to know that, even after almost 6 years (and 15 years and 30 years and…) of marriage, I still find him attractive. Tell him. Initiate times that are JUST us whether date nights or just quiet down times on the couch after kids are asleep. Send him messages through the day to let him know that I want him to hurry home.

6. Pray for him. Have specific verses that I pray for God to be applying to his life.

Don’t harm.

1. Don’t emotionally withdraw from him. If I have a problem, I need to talk to him. Even if it may be a hard conversation to have, withdrawing from him only hurts our relationship.

2. Don’t focus on being Mom as my primary job. I need to remember that my priorities are Christian then Wife then Mom then Employee (housework!) then Service (church service) and if I put Mom in front of Wife, our marriage will suffer.

3. Don’t be mean to him to “repay” any perceived wrong on his part towards me. My hubby has begged me from when we first met to remember that he won’t intentionally try to harm me. If it seems that he is trying to harm me, it usually is a miscommunication. If I’m mean to him to repay a perceived wrong, I’m doubly hurting him. I’m not trusting him not to harm me and I’m intentionally trying to hurt him.

4. Don’t criticize him whether publicly or privately. He hears criticism from a large number of sources. That’s not my job. Since I have a tiny bit of critical spirit in me (ok… so, maybe a lot), this is a hard one.

5. Don’t withdraw from him relationally. This is a touchy subject but I’ll just say this: This is a matter of protection for my husband (and yours! and FOR US AS WOMEN!). If I don’t provide for my husband’s needs, whether emotionally, physically, or sexually, there are PLENTY of women who are more than willing to provide those needs for him. Part of doing him no harm is protecting him and our marriage.

6. Neglect praying for him. No one else knows his weaknesses and what he is struggling with every day. If I don’t pray for him about those weakness, who will?

Ultimately, Proverbs 31:12 boils doing to sacrificial love. Isn’t that what God calls us to have for everyone? “Love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:12. It’s hard work and it means I have to leave behind my desires and pursue my hubby’s desires. What is best for him.


One thought on “Current Day “doing good not harm”

  1. ladylikeideas says:

    Boy – you just nailed it! Thank you for putting that all so well. I really liked your ‘Be present’ rule. So true. As well as the ‘Don’t criticize’ one. That one is always a challenging one for me too (need to remember to work on my own flaws before pointing out his!)

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