This is my husband’s coffee cup. See how big of a cup he uses? It is usually full, by the way. He works hard to provide for us. That means working during the day, some times at night and on weekends. He is working on his Masters degree and does school work late into the night/morning. I tell you all of this so you can understand how important this cup of coffee is to our family. Some may say this is an exaggeration. This coffee is life sustaining. It helps my husband continue functioning and provide for our family. It also brings him joy. Therefore, because it is important to him, it is important to me. Because it is so important to our family, I protect the coffee. Are you laughing? Don’t. This is serious. 🙂
I protect his coffee by:
1. I keep a steady supply of coffee in the pantry. And, not just any coffee. His favorite. Folgers Black Silk.
2. I make sure that his coffee pot is cleaned on a regular basis.
3. I keep the children away from the coffee pot so it is not broken.
So, why am I blogging about coffee?? Well, you see, protecting my husband’s coffee is similar to how I protect our marriage. Just like I take an active role in protecting my husband’s coffee supply, I choose to take an active role in protecting our marriage.
Since God instituted marriage in the Garden, marriages have been under the attack. Just like with any other GOOD thing that God created, it is worthy of protecting from those attacks. And, in the world of social media, I find those attacks even more prevalent. (Even if you aren’t in social media, they are there… social media just amps them up.) So, these are some of the ways in which my husband and I choose to protect our marriage.
1. Just like with his coffee, I try to keep a steady supply of good in our marriage. I TRY to be kind to him. I TRY to not nag him. I TRY to be loving to him. I TRY to make him happy. I TRY to be physically affectionate with him regularly. I TRY to focus on making our home life and our relationship better.
2. I attempt to clean out the bad in our relationship. I have to let the negatives go. I MUST forgive him when he hurts me and, more importantly, I must remember that he doesn’t purposefully try to harm me. As a woman, it is so easy for me to think that he’s out to hurt me. This is an agreement between us. We don’t purposefully try to harm each other. If I work from this angle, I can keep those negatives out of our relationship. It also helps me forgive MUCH quicker. When I forgive quicker, we move to the positive, good, beneficial side of our relationship even quicker. And, we are back to #1 with keeping a steady supply of good in our marriage.
3. With his coffee, I understand that there are people surrounding us who are capable (sometimes purposefully) of hurting his ability to have coffee. Our kids, whether by clumsiness, the sheer desire to break something because they are toddlers, or just the desire to play with something that isn’t theirs, are quite capable of breaking my husband’s coffee pot and therefore disrupting our family. THE SAME IS TRUE OF OUR MARRIAGE. There are people who STRIVE to destroy our marriage. Whether through sheer ignorance of their actions’ impact, the evil desire to rip someone else’s life apart, or the desire to just play around with someone else’s spouse, there are people who desire to destroy our marriage. Therefore, WE are militant about protecting our marriage from those people. Notice I just said WE are militant. This section is one in which I will speak for both of us. When we got married, we took a proactive stance about protecting our marriage from outsiders. Here are some of our safeguards:
a. We have each other’s passwords. Facebook, twitter, email accounts, voice mail, etc. We have each other’s passwords. There are no hidden communications.
b. We do NOT converse with the opposite sex via email or phone without the other person’s knowledge. I have friends of the opposite sex and, when I converse with them, my husband has full, word for word knowledge of these conversations. I also purposefully choose to limit these conversations.
c. We do NOT go into a room alone with a person of the opposite sex. PERIOD.
d. My husband’s secretary is trusted and vitally important. Because he is a pastor and counseling someone of the opposite sex is part of his job, she is in those meetings or sits at her desk outside his OPEN office door.
e. We do NOT trash each other on social media. Or, anywhere. Being blunt, if someone is looking to ruin our marriage, they are simply looking for a weakness in our relationship. When you trash your spouse on social media, you are GIVING that person an advantage.
These are just some of our safeguards. They may sound a little harsh and “Thou shalt not” ish but consider that the “devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8 and we are to be sober and vigilant.